Chasing away rain days

I made a list of 30 things I love at 30. 

On the list was coffee shops, good coffee, bakeries, and pain au chocolat. (chocolate croissants) This bakery serves good coffee, has kids toys, exposed brick walls, and on Saturdays only they do killer croissant. {Please read the last word in a french accent}

Today was rainy and dreary. I packed my crew in the car and grabbed coffee with almond milk out. Amazing. Enjoying one of my favorite things is always a pick me up. If you haven't named your favorite things, DO IT! I thoroughly believe in naming the things. 

-Ven 

Faith over Feelings OUT LOUD

I have been blasting worship music like it's my job. I fully believe and try to live by the scripture that says out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. {see my scripture tenets}
 So I'm trying desperately to fill my heart up with life giving declarations of praise. To allow my heart to be abundant in His words, His ways, His truths! Trying to desperately to drown the dialogue in my head that is a constant drain. On my heart. On my mind.
I can be so emotionally overcome that I am literally physically weak. This is why I think
1) speaking out loud prayer is crucial. It allows our heart in prayer to be shown to us. God already knows it. He knows it well. Yet sometimes it is hidden from us.
Or less than it is hidden from us, it is hidden by us. We don't want face the dirty realities of our hurt, sin, and pride. We are unwilling to face the dirty realities of our hurt, sin, and pride.
We are unwilling to face it until it is staring at us. Coming out of our mouths, and then we can't hide the ugly of it anymore.
Then we face it. With God together. We lay it down. We remind ourselves of the truths of our faith over the feelings of our heart.
2) The battle of the mind is real
Relationship with God is a covenant and it is not easily taken off and on as a helmet would be. We need to be holding strong to the promises the helmet of salvation offers. Those truths are protecting us, if we allow them to permeate our minds. The mind is a sneaky place.
When we audibly hear for ourselves the lies we have been speaking in our heads. It is much easier to call them out. To use the helmet of the truth of salvation to call out those lies.
No matter how much good you are trying to pump in. Abundance does not come just from pumping in the right music. No matter how you want worship music to change hearts. And don't get me wrong it absolutely can. It is only a piece of the puzzle.
Last night I stood with a toddler on my hip, tears streaming down my face in the presence of my church body and singing out words my soul desperately needed to hear.
 Jesus died for me.
 I am a child of God.
His promises are true.
His steadfast love endures forever.
 Out loud.
Over and over.

The word of God is another piece.
The word out loud, singing out loud, praying out loud.
All the out loud.
 It is also why christian counseling or just good outside counsel, community and even a christian spouse or friend who knows your struggle is so crucial.
 Say the feelings.
Sort it out, then speak in faith the truth of the Lord.
Say it out loud so much, that it becomes not just truth you hear but truth you believe.
That is faith over feeling.
-Ven

This week, so much crying out.

Hey yalllll,
Today and this week I have reflected much on what God has done this year. The refining work He has and is doing.
Being refined is stupid hard.
This year a lot comfort, identity, and hope I had apart from the Lord has been stripped.
Everything from comfort in how our immediate family functions and coming smack dab into reality about many other things as well.
Watching plans I had made and hoped in crumble.
I have faced my own humanity, my own sin and brokenness.
 I have wrestled with God and lost.  I have definitely faced my own mental health struggles.
I have taken walks with the Lord where all I could say is You will fight for me, I need only be still.
 I cried and I repeated that promise, again and again.
Willing my own heart to hear it, and stop fighting alone.

To God be the glory. 
He is reminding me that He is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in my weakness.

He has heard my literal cries, when I think I cannot function and gone into battle with me.

Even if that battle is taking sweet little boys to the pool, and the children's museum alone.

Anyway after a culminating week of a good month of being stripped of A LOT of security, identity, and creature comforts in things that were not God.
 I had a good weekend.

Probably you wouldn't know it if you heard my crank all weekend, because didn't I say I had been facing a lot of my human lately?
Anyway, no agenda, with my best crew, 1 man, and two boys, no extras.

I live for planning, and re-planning and goal making.
 I love adding in all the extra people to my life.
I love agendas.
 I love setting unrealistic expectations that go unmet, and leave me a deflated balloon.
At the time I obviously don't realize I am doing that.
 But I do, like a lot.
So this weekend, I realized all God has done, is doing.
I looked back and saw him with my deflated balloon self, holding me, and loving me well in every moment.
 Thank you Jesus for agenda- less, extra free weekends.
 His grace continues to amaze me.

-Ven