Honestly, I am writing this because I have done that. I am now trying to climb back out of the mom blackhole and write my remix to motherhood.
Featuring my kids and my love for them, yes, but also featuring me: Daughter of the most High God; wife to Alex, lover of books, dancing, writing, music, comfy AND stylish clothing, pain au chocolat, hip coffee joints {with great coffee}, hiking, walking outside, underdogs, farmers markets, and bbq kettle chips. Probably your list of things you love is different than mine. It is no less valid or important.
You see there was a time in the not so distant past, I had forgone all the things I loved in service to my sweet little munchkins. I think I even wrote advice to new mothers at baby showers about taking time to do things you loved. It was a classic case of preaching about something I was not practicing.
While there are currently a million excuses we all have rolling around in our heads. Mine sound vaguely like my husbands long hours, a lack of local family support system, and more. Yet, I think most of these can be combatted with a plan. A tiny step toward love your neighbor as yourself each day. A tiny incorporation of things you love with your family.
Also we may be plagued by flashbacks of how we got here; probably including spit up on stylish shirts, that made us switch to comfy shirts,which somehow we got stuck in for years, and any music that made the baby sleep was the best music, and hipsters in large unflattering glasses peering over giant anthologies murmuring about you over there with a wriggling toddler ruining the aesthetic of their fave coffee joint running across your mind.That past does not define your future in motherhood, Remix, remember?
Or maybe the last few years, months, or days of motherhood have actually broke your brain, and Siri is reading these words to you while you wear a baby and push a double stroller, and try to buy cheerios or work off the last 5 years worth of baby weight. I see you sister.
I see you as you stop including the things you love into your life because little Johnny needs you twenty four seven and not only does he not like hip coffee joints, (or insert your happy place) they don't like him there. Or it's too hard to take them there. Or whatever the case may be. I am proud to be your fellow momma no matter the fit your child throws in said happy place.
I see you as you always dress as slovenly as possible because you know at the end of the day whatever you put on will be dirty with spit up and possibly poop stains, and then fast forward 2 years later and you have nothing to wear. Like O crap it's our anniversary date night and you don't want to look in the mirror. I am proud to call you a fellow momma no matter how you dress.
I see you when not only do you have nothing to wear for date night but your husband feels like an extension of the kids, and you guys only exist as a part of the larger family and not the cool adventuring couple you used to be. I am proud to call you a fellow momma and I know we will do better by our husbands together. We can't be the same women or couples we used to be, but we can better more wizened versions who make time to love every person in our family in this new season well. Especially our other halves.
I see you as you feign an interest in little Johnny's best friend from day cares' mom as she talks about her son's love of dinosaurs. And could we just talk about a book written for adults for two minutes before some one screams and you have to run over there?!?! Surely they are still writing books for adults even though you have been out of the game for a while? I am proud to call you a fellow mom even and especially if you would rather talk about books than dinosaurs. (in this specific instance books about dinosaurs don't count)
I see you as you stopped dreaming anything for yourself but weekends and bedtime. When the only dreams, hopes and futures are for your children. They will do as we do, and every minute and moment they see you run after your dreams makes that much more likely to run after theirs' momma. I am proud to call you a fellow mom even if you forgot to dream and especially when you start to dream and do again sister.
I see you as you scroll past all the crossfit mothers on instagram and wondered how they got their body back and eat another bbq chip for lunch because the croissant you had for breakfast wasn't a vegetable. (Bread isn't a vegetable!!!!! Why God?) I'm really proud to call you a fellow mom whose diet I would like to occasionally emulate.
And if you are a cross fitter good for you, and I see you too but I won't pretend sometimes I don't hate your drive, motivation and killer abs. I have to remind myself that you too might have a messy house, or a pile of laundry that your kids dig through to get clean clothes. Maybe your abs are sprayed on? No, that's not true. I saw you do those kettle bell swings, Get it!!!! I'm proud to call you a fellow mom whose abs and biceps I like to admire from afar. I'm even more proud to call you a fellow mom who uses yoga pants correctly, and I am still amazed by that alone about you.
I see you momma gave up fitness when you had kids, and really just started on the fitting this bbq chip in your mouth diet. You convinced yourself pushing your kid in the swing and walking to and from all the samples at Costco followed by their glorious cheese pizza was the only exercise you needed. #Confession Donut give up on the things you love. I'm proud to call you a fellow mom, because
A) we are the same person and
B) I believe that working out is good for you because of College PE articles I had to read and 15 people trying to sell me the next new health fad in my inbox having something to do with endorphins and living longer for our children.
Anyway....
The skinny:
Gals, I stopped reading books, I stopped dressing nice and feeling good about myself, I stopped going places that kids weren't, I stopped listening to non kids or kid friendly music, I became a shut in from the person formally known as me.
Has God made part of my identity to be a mother. Yes! That goes for you too sister, no matter how it came to you. Maybe it took you longer to get pregnant or you adopted, and because of those things you threw yourself headlong into the game, and lost yourself in it. Maybe you had three kids under three or four under four, and you didn't stop being pregnant or nursing for 4-5 years and so it really seemed like that was all you were made for. Maybe the sound of crying or momma is the first and last sound you hear every morning and night. Maybe you work all day and when you come home you throw everything you have into those precious gremlins, and fall asleep reading to them. Whatever it is, yes you were called to motherhood.
But you were called to motherhood as you. Who God made you.
First, have so much truth in your identity in Christ. Know who He has called you to be.
What He calls you.
He calls you Beloved.
Where He calls you.
If He calls you into His marvelous light, but you are crying in the bathroom because you haven't felt good about yourself in ages because you haven't felt like you looked good, or talked to an adult human, does that sound like light to you?
In what gifting are you the strongest?
How can you use them in and outside of motherhood?
What makes YOU experience the joy of the LORD?
How were you created to worship?
We all need reminders all the time. Post them around your house, find a sister in Christ to speak them to you. Anything and everything that will help.
Anyway, my number two way not to get lost in your momdentity is to incorporate things into your life with your kids that you love. Your joy will likely beget joy in them as well. My kids and I all love a good dance party to Flo Rida. It makes me smile, and therefore it makes them smile. Also he has mad beats yo.
Hey girl, start dreaming again. Better than that take those dreams and take a bite out of them day by day, month by month, year by year. You can do great things! Some of us are afraid of dreaming, of doing, but the Lord says we are strong, we are courageous, and we can, because of Him.
Yes, sometimes those hard things we do are get our patience on for our children, and sometimes those hard things are to take the next step toward those dreams the Lord has hidden inside of us.
Guys, this writing again thing is a dream for myself. These words were swirling around so loudly into my head, I had to put them out there. Even if you aren't glad I did, I am. Remember the first thing to remix our motherhood is to speak truth to ourselves, and once it's imprinted on our hearts, hopefully speak it to others. This is me doing that.
Nextttt,
It's true I don't know how you came to motherhood, if it's chewed you up and spit you out with the loss of babe after babe or literally with babe biting nipple. (My second broke skin, yallllllll- why?!?!)
I do know that God does call us to serve our littles, our spouses, and our neighbors selflessly. So I think that I thought I was doing something for the Lord when
A) sometimes I was doing it to feel like I did good
B) the Lord calls us to love our neighbors as ourself and
GIRLFRIEND, it is stupid hard to love someone you couldn't even pick out in a line up.
Wait, is that haggard spit up shirt wearing human, ME?
There are parts of us that are refined in motherhood as with any calling, but there shouldn't be any parts of that are straight lost. Losing things happen on accident, and refining happens on purpose.
God refines us on purpose, we loose who He has made us to be sometimes on accident.
Take the time to find the pieces of you along the path, to relearn who He is and how He has made you. It's a lot harder to love and celebrate something that's lost than it is something right in front you. The Lord celebrates who He has made you as a daughter, a wife and a mother. Don't you treat yourself like He is wrong.
I have found as I retry to know myself, the Lord did a pretty good job, and that draws me to worship. Let us not just talk about how our kids were formed and known by the Lord before they were born, but us also.
Can't wait to see your mom remix sister.
Ven- THE REMIX
